"A LETTER TO MY EX"

- April 19, 2020

If love was a person, then I'd choose you,
You picked up my broken pieces,as imperfect as I am, You made me feel flawless,

You made me the king I wasn't,

You convinced not only my heart,

but also my mind and soul ,that I was perfect, and you became my perfect one. I never believed in love,the only love that I knew, was the love of a mama to a son..

but there you were,

You taught me what love is, You made me feel like I'd stop the world for you ..your eyes, your giggle, your long curly African hair,your dark melanin skin..all you were was PERFECT, JUST PERFECT!!

But With time,I realized I was lying to myself, PERFECTION DOESN'T EXIST!!
Your fat imperfect fingers,

Your unfixed teeth,

Your red dark eyes, all this were your fears,

then I realized...
It's not that I couldn't get a more beautiful woman,

But the seed that you planted beneath my soul, is what made you PERFECT TO ME!

I didn't want a more fine woman that would flirt and wink at me and neither a less fine,

All I WANTED WAS YOU,JUST YOU, with all your flaws,your dark annoying laugh and behaviours,

That's what made YOU, whom you are and that's what I needed coz that's what completed my nights deep in thoughts and worried about you being offline even for a day.

They say, that love brings life to one,

Love makes life more colourful,
My world was all black and White,

Until you came through and made it grey and all colourful,
Many would call it boring, but perfect is what I'd call it, perfect coz all you brought me was harm,

Leaving me drowning in a pool ,

A pool of tears that left me in deep thoughts.....

LOVE is what damaged me,

LOVE is what killed me on the inside,
LOVE, all it was supposed to do, is to bring life,

But yet all it brought was DEATH.

I miss the days that you'd surprise me with a slushy hotdog, that you terribly made,haha...but I'd still eat it and say yummy, enjoy it as if you're the greatest chef on the Backpage of the vogue magazine,
I miss The day's that we'd get high and wasted alone in an abondoned crib,
The late night calls and the text's that kept me on till the sun would rise ,or before my other leg was up,

But already it was even before I went to sleep.
Your love was an exceptional one,

You made me feel what love was,

You made me forget even my parents loved me,

I put you first ofcourse , coz I lived the feeling of what love is..

Just when we were at the peak,

When we were kicking in and everybody was all on us.. THE PERFECT US.You chose to take a wood off the branch...
Hours passed, and I thought you were just a little bit caught up,

Days passed,

I tried calling you,

But there was no response on the other end,

I did all I could,Tried even reaching you,

But all you did was shut me out like an outcast,
GHOSTING, GHOSTING!..this is what the kids of today would call it, yes YOU GHOSTED ME.

You cut off all connections we had,

You changed your number,

You left just like we were strangers..

Months passed, then I found someone else,

Someone that glowed up my life,

Someone that never gave up on me no matter how much it was hard to let you go, and there again,

I fell in love,under the stars and the bed of cosy roses that revived my heart again, and I finally had my heart pumping,

Happiness was all she gave me, I learned to move on, And I decided, why not, why should I not give love another chance,...

I never thought you were watching from a distance, but ooh well,

You creepy sweet little thing,

You realized how you had lost an amazing chance, and a simple comment on my photo with my new love destroyed everything..."sweet lovely psychos" this revived the pain..but I didn't care, I had moved on and I was happy..

Seasons passed, a new number, a strange call but a familiar voice on the other end ....

But of course it was you,

YOU AGAIN!
With your sweet melodious voice,

You convince me to meet up as friends, for a cup of coffee,
Perhaps Java would be perfect, You knowing well that my favourite coffee shop is Java.

I wanted to prove you wrong, that I had moved on and am so over you,

So I clumsily agree to meet you up,

Me cancelling all my weekend plans with my friends.

But on arrival at the Java,I realize I had put you first AGAIN.

There you sat across the table, all smiling and happy, but in my thoughts all I wanted to hear was the reason YOU LEFT!

But,my ego could not let me show that I cared, after a cup of coffee you receive a call of an invitation to a friend's party then you ask me for a company over at your friend place.

But ooh.., I should have seen it,you were a little bit overdressed for just a cup of coffee with an ex you didn't care about.

I fall again under your arms and accompany you, several cocktails we drunk,

Got high like the good old days...

HAPPY is what we were, we even went to a club with your friends danced a little bit.

Then on the late hours, you now want to leave, you plead me to accompany you at your place because you were alone.

We were high and I made the terrible decision and followed you, and ofcourse, we did it again.I failed myself again... In the morning you make me my favourite cup of coffee like the old days,black as I always wanted it.